Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2014

Well, I hope it is not too late to say this to you:

MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR 2014!

…Okay, it might be a little late for Christmas but it is still January 2…and I think New Year period goes on until everyone is all back to work or to school, which could be a week after. 😉

Anyway, first things first – I am fully funded for my two-year study in New Zealand! Praise be to the Lord for His provisions and blessings through friends and family. I have both people whom I have known for quite a while and strangers whom I have never met before supporting me, which makes me stand in awe of God’s handiwork. Thank you for your prayers, honesty and encouragement. Your thoughts and words have lifted me up as well as allowed me to see my circumstances from all angles. Thank you.

Christmas was eventful and heart-warming. I am grateful for the opportunity to celebrate Jesus with my family and friends at church. This year’s celebration involved watching the Hobbit late at night at a theater with my mom and sisters; brewing and drinking my own coffee at home; admiring all the lights and colors of Christmas trees at home and all over the city; eating mom’s cooking; baking a lot of cookies and cakes; spending time with the Word and looking for His presence in everyday’s life.

One thing I had learned over Christmas was being present. In the flurry of Christmas preparation and activities, Jesus stilled my soul with stunning sunset one evening as I rode a truck back from seeing a doctor at a local clinic. I was spent with flu and tired from the visa work. Then I looked out the truck’s window, and the fiery orange sky captivated my attention. God spoke to me, “Be still, my child. And be present. Linger just a little longer, and you will realize how rich an experience with Me you can get…just being present.”

And I prayed,

“Lord, this Christmas, You have taught me how to be present. Thank You for giving me the beautiful glimpse of Yourself through the sunset. And I wanted it to stay just like that. I lingered in the moment, appreciating You. Then I remembered all the fun I usually have when I am all in the present with no other worries in my mind…like when I was working with the world racers for three weeks or traveling in Burma for two weeks. At those times, I realized I could not do anything else regarding work or visa, except to leave everything at Your feet. And I was there – ALL there for the people and the experiences. Those were the best times of my life.

So this Christmas I want to be ALL here with my family and You. I know that many churches are busy with programs and activities. Lead us, Lord, to Your rest…that we would not be caught up in the services and forget to be present before You.”

My prayer is still the same for New Year. To all of us, who love to make resolutions and take matters into our own hands, be present before the Lord each day. Linger long, and press into His presence because of who He is and not because of what we want Him to do for us. We will be amazed at how much He reveals Himself to us if we seek Him for Him.

To end this post, in order to replace my loss for words these days, I am posting some pictures from home for you to enjoy. May your year be blessed! Thank you for following me on this blog. I wanted to post more pictures but it is almost midnight. And I have to see my doctor for a follow-up blood test for my visa application tomorrow morning (which I will come around to tell of the story soon). So I had better go to bed.

Merry Christmas to you!

My first time of baking peanut butter cookies. They turned out quite well. 🙂

Merry Christmas from our family!

My two beautiful sisters – Mai and Mo.

Mom and Mai, my sister, with their Christmas drinks at church

Christmas program at church

Me, my family and one of our friends from church around the Christmas tree

Church members came to sing carols at our house and fellowship over God’s word, warm noodle soup and baked desserts.

My mom and Auntie Pat, our neighbor, who hosted the night.

A Shoes Story

story — the word has been on my mind recently. my job at compassion is to convey all kinds of stories to people, ocean apart, who give us money every month. i tell stories through articles, photos and sometimes prayer requests. but i thought, “hmm, i haven’t been telling a lot of my stories lately…it’s about time i start doing that!”

so, this year, my theme on this blog will be “story”. it will be stories i will have encountered with — maybe about me, someone else or random experiences. i hope to fill this online corner with adventures and emotions. i will probably not be as disciplined to write every day…and sometimes i will forget to tell stories and just rant or complain…but i invite you {whoever stops by here today} to join me and pray that you will bear with me.

i don’t have any aggressive objectives, except that i will be a better story teller through practicing and, most importantly, that i and you will see God’s grace through thick and thin and be able to give Him thanks.

———————————————————————————————-

i love shoes. i may not be as obsessed as carrie bradshaw from “sex and the city” or rebecca bloomwood from “the confessions of a shopacholic”, who can’t resist to buy a new pair of shoes despite the fact that their closets are bursting at its seams. i never smell new shiny shoes too. 😉 {i do that with books} but i enjoy wandering in the shoes department, appreciating the art of shapes and forms, patterns and colors. i don’t usually buy a lot of them all at once. and i never buy a pair of shoes that cost more than a thousand baht. but i love shoes.

right now, i have about 5 practical pairs for different occasions: an already-worn white flip-flops {that i sometimes wear when i trek. stupid, i know, but very convenient. you should try}, a pair of brown leather sandals for work and other formal business, a vintage white dress shoes with pastel orange flowers for weddings and banquets {white holds a special place in my heart}, a pair of sneakers for when i don’t feel like wearing flip-flops when i trek and a pair of used running shoes {that my american friend passed on to me 5 years ago. surprisingly, they still fit. i have hobbit feet. they never grow bigger.}

as you can see, i am quite practical when it comes to personal items. i think i have done pretty good at resisting temptation.

yesterday, i went to central plaza airport, a big shopping mall in chiang mai, to pay bills. every time i go there, i tend to lose my self-esteem…not much…but enough to be very self-conscious about my look. see, it seems like 75% of the shoppers dress like they are on a paris fashion week’s catwalk! and this is just chiang mai! if you have been to the paragon mall in bangkok, you will understand me when i say i would rather stay home and shop online than come out with my way-too-laid-back outfit.

anyway, while i was window shopping, i thought i would stop by a shoes shop…”just to look”. then just a few feet away from the shop, i decided to simply walk past because it was unnecessary. i don’t need a new pair right now because i have enough and because i have too much to commit to financially already. i was a bit sad and quietly blamed the fate {rolled eyes here} for too many expenses i have to be responsible for. so i thought i would watch a movie as a replacement for my disappointment.

i bought a ticket to watch “the Lady”, a movie about Aung San Sukyi, and bought a box of popcorn and a bottle of water. then i proceeded to the quiet, red-carpeted lounge to wait and was settled quite comfortably in my high-back victorian chair {yah, theaters in thailand are quite fancy} as i read dr. scott todd’s 58: fast living book. { by the way, i haven’t been able to finish any compassion books in my 3 and a half years before because of the heavy content…and if you are like me, you have already lived “compassion” for 5 days, then you would rather read a chick-flick or a horror story than a book on holistic development. no offense, of course}

i came across this passage that brought such conviction to my desires:

dr. todd was talking about the earthquake in haiti and the blame people posed on the Divine as “an act of God”.  he said that in comparison to the earthquake with similar magnitude in greater los angeles area in 1994, where only 63 people were dead {and the population in LA was 12 times greater than in port-au-prince}, “the difference between sixty-three deaths and 230,000 is poverty.”  i was blown away by his challenging perspective because, like most people, i don’t think we can control nature. his view was that the devastation in haiti was not because of the “act of God” alone but also poverty born out of corruption.

“but what is an ‘act of God’ really?…should we limit God’s actions to things like earthquakes and infections? we tend to credit humans with interventions like rebars and vaccines, but they are acts of God too. all good things come from Him (see james 1″17). would anyone say, ‘because human invented shoes, i won’t wear them’? no, of course we wear them, and if we are in a right state of mind, we thank God for providing them. (bold added)”

dr. scott todd from the 58: fast living book

the bold sentences were what struck me. it may be a bit irrelevant to what dr. todd was saying but it pierced my heart because i was secretly jealous of people who wore more fancy shoes than i. i was convicted, at that moment, that i hadn’t thanked God enough for providing me shoes to wear and money to buy them. i often looked at my rugged sandals and compared them with those red shiny shoes…and i wish i had those too.

but the fact that i don’t have to walk barefeet and burn my skin on a sun-scorched street is enough to celebrate.

"enough"

ways to change the world: fast. pray. give.

i have been gone — for a long time. wordpress wouldn’t let me in unless i signed in again.

the reason that brought me back to this space tonight is not about myself. but it is about children. in poverty. after all, i am working in a holistic child development organization.

words. questions. pictures. they can’t describe enough. but that pair of dark eyes still taunts me. hopelessness. hunger. humiliation. even as i close my eyes, i see his — and my stomach drops. my insides turn. and my eyes well up. this little boy of ten has come to a conclusion of life that he can be nothing more than an enslaved quarry worker in the sun-scorched land.

“i want everyone to be happy. i do have desires. but my dreams will never come true so let me not have dreams at all”, said he.

my heart crumbles. faced with the harsh reality of poverty, this indian boy legitimately shoved aside any desires so he wouldn’t be disappointed by the impossible.

yet he deserves better, doesn’t he? to dream. to hope. to live to the fullest.

the story above comes from a scene in  58: the film, a movie based out of dr. scott todd’s “58: fast living – how the church will end extreme poverty”.  the bottom line is, according to dr. todd, “Jesus is decidedly optimistic that His people can end extreme poverty.” we are to not only be hopeful but to expect the eradication of poverty to happen in our lifetime.

pause for a second. what was your reaction when you read that last paragraph? did you just cringe inside? or were you filled with enthusiasm?

i know that for many of us, poverty is an issue a million miles away. we just don’t care. i was one. but the good news is — it’s not because we are indifferent. we just don’t know. but now that i have raised that up, will you consider read this post more slowly and visit this site? 

you will be changed.

habakkuk 1:5 says,

“Look at the nations and watch—
and be utterly amazed.
For I am going to do something in your days
that you would not believe,
even if you were told.”

it is okay to doubt but don’t let doubt eat up our passion for the cause God has put into your hearts. we can make a difference now.

on this upcoming january 25, i, along with others from around the globe, will be committed to praying for children and people who are exposed to or suffering from malaria in thailand. this marks the 1st month of the 58: global impact tour, which will take you online to 12 countries and 12 issues. we will fast together, pray together and give together. visit here if you want to know more of this.

i invite you, my friends, to take on this journey with me. we are hopeful because we know that the Lord is faithful. we are not worriers but warriors. thus, we pray and follow our Captain.

“hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing,

the dawn will come. you wait and watch and work: you don’t give up.”

– anne lamot

Experience of a Lifetime: Encountering With God

i went home. and something amazing happened. i encountered with God.

i knew that i have been carrying burdens on my shoulders: worries about uncertain future, fear to love again, resentment towards certain people in life and continual sense of failure. but what i didn’t know was that i needed God.

i went to newsong on saturday night with my friend, matt, who came from cambodia to visit. i also met up with p.ja, another friend who i dearly love and miss. we used to hang out a lot when we were still in bangkok. but since we got scattered…me in chiang-mai, matt in cambodia and p.ja in australia (then a few others who are now in america), we never got to go to newsong together anymore. so it was a special night for me.

while waiting for the service to start at 6:30, i was introduced to a girl called “natalia” who came from the country of columbia. she was as joyful as bright-colored flowers and as free-spirited as birds. she spoke english with a tinge of spanish accent. but that even made her more beautiful. she is now in bangkok ministering in the klong toey slum community with the vineyard church. we talked for about 10 minutes and the worship started.

we were called to stand up and sing praises to the Lord. i have been attending the karen church for so long that i actually forgot some of the english songs. i stood there in the midst of people i didn’t know…people who came from canada, america, columbia, korea, thailand and many other countries. surprisingly, i felt right at home. after the 2nd song was over, i suddenly felt exhausted and had to sit dow. i wasn’t sure if i was physically or mentally tired…i just had to sit down. so i snuggled comfortably into a dim corner of the soft couch and closed my eyes to listen to the sound of worship.

“jesus, lover of my soul. jesus, i will never let you go. you’ve taken me from the miry clay. you’ve set my feet upon the rock and now i know….” the singing was swelling like ocean waves in the evening….crashing against the shore of heart. in quietness, i felt the nudge to turn to psalm 62. i was perplexed because it seemed such a random number.

so i whispered back to Him, “are you sure? psalm 62? why such random number?”

“yes, psalm 62 it is.”

i turned and read:

“my soul finds rest in God alone;

my salvation comes from Him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation;

He is my fortress. i will never be shaken…

find rest, o my soul, in God alone;

my hope comes from Him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation;

He is my fortress, i will not be shaken.

my salvation and my honor depend on God,

He is my rock, my refuge.

trust in Him at all times, o people;

pour out your hearts to Him

for God is our refuge…

one thing God has spoken,

two things have i heard:

that You, o God, are strong,

and that You, o Lord, are loving.

surely you will reward each person

according to what he has done.”

while i was half-way through, pondering on the word “rest”, “rock” and “refuge”, natalia walked over to me and looked at me gently:

“mink, i just feel that you have been tired. and the Lord wanted me to tell you that you can rest in Him because He is your Rock and your Refuge.”

i was taken aback with surprised. then tears unexpectedly came. all i could do was to hug this messenger of God as tight as i could…like she was the Presence of God herself. the message was significant to me although i wasn’t sure at the time why He chose psalm 62.

rest in the Rock for He is my Refuge – that’s the message.

perhaps He is cleansing me from the clutter of tangled thoughts and concerns. perhaps He is preparing me for the future that is yet to come. i don’t know. but i am holding on to this experience and the message He’s given even though my faith is so slim like a single thread now.

matt told me while we were on a taxi together that his philosophy is to go out in faith whether or not he is confident it is God’s will at the point. so many people have robbed themselves off of the adventures because they were waiting for God’s will to be tangibly revealed. this greatly encouraged me. for i want to live fearlessly. but i have cared too much of what others look at me or think of me. no more. i will ask “what is God thinking of this?” instead of “how will i look if i do this?” and if it’s not right, then He, with loving kindness and grace, will close the door and guide me to a different one.

i, personally, was given a vision to serve the karen people in thailand/ burma. but i’ve been bothered by the question – do you have any solid goals which you are planning to achieve? none. zero. i guess that’s why i constantly have this sense of failure in my heart. people i know seem to do excellent jobs, know where they are going and on top of everything. but i struggle with questions everyday.

but i learned from talking to another friend of mine, kristin, that it is okay to not have goals. to just live one day at a time. to enjoy every moment of it. to give God the glory due Him for now. then He is going to reveal bits by bits of His plan to me. no need to fret over the unseen future. what happens now will direct the course of the future…in the mighty hand of God.

i feel that God is revealing His heart to me. and i don’t want to miss the opportunity. my heart is calloused and torn. and i want Jesus’ love, through His wounds, to heal me. i am going through a phase of life where there are more questions than answers. but i need to TRUST the Spirit to guide me…to help me discover His heart for the world.

last thought. i was watching the left behind series yesterday with my mom and mo. i’ve read the books but not seen the movies yet. so it was exciting for me. there was a part in the tribulation force (the 2nd one) where bruce and other tribulation force members, who got left behind, passionately preached the Gospel to whoever came into their contact. they didn’t timidly approach the people with leaflets in their hands. rather, they spoke with such authority but yet with respect of the Good News and the 2nd chance to repent. they preached Christ with no shame. and that got me to thinking…

am i doing this today? is the church doing her job today? i can answer for myself – no. while i watched the scene, the Spirit impressed upon me that what these guys were doing in the movie was an act of worship. i cannot find words to express it…but it wasn’t out of obligation or forced will. they felt the urgency and they let the Spirit drive them.

how can this happen in me and in the church? how can we stop looking inwardly and turn another direction to where Christ is leading us to?

encountering with God everyday can do. let Him be the Person who makes your heart beat wildly. be aware of His work in every breath you breathe. and be filled and overflowed with the Spirit. let our cups run over so many others will be able to drink deeply from this undying love – Jesus.

The Meaning Of Waiting?

i just finished watching “hachi”. and as expected, i ended up in tears. there is something about man-and-dog movie that just unleashes all the emotional sensitivity within me.

one thing that hit me hard is about unconditional loyalty. the movie depicts the faithfulness of an akita dog. even after its master died, it sat there waiting at the same spot in front of the train station for a decade. 10 years of waiting! it required true love, unwavered loyalty, devoted attention and stubborn determination. perhaps dogs are created that way. i’m not sure if human can do that. there might be some…but very rare.

but it just got me to thinking of God’s love too. it might be a bit awkward to compare a dog to God.but in the aspect of love and loyalty…there is this similarity. God faithfully waits for His beloved…no matter how long it may take.

when i watched the movie, hachi kept waiting and waiting for 10 years even though his master didn’t show up. i wondered why. if it were me, i would have given up right after i knew that he would never come back…probably after the 1st week of waiting. i still don’t understand why. i thought it might be because he was created that way…but…there’s gotta be a reason for someone to be waiting for something. for hachi’s case, it seemed like a vanity. nothing came out of the waiting. his master never came back for him. he died in the end.

and God…well, He has been waiting for forever. a little difference is that He knows the end. i think if i were to know the end, i wouldn’t be agitated with waiting that much.

i just don’t know the answer to the questions above. i don’t understand. but i do know that i want to have this loyalty…this fierce love…this endless devotion to my Creator and to the loved ones around me. i’d like to be a true friend indeed in the time of need. i want to be a woman who is patient and kind while weathering through life.

surely, there’ll be one day when all the waiting ends and all the tears are wiped away from our eyes.

A Loan From God

“he who trusts in his riches will fall,

but the righteous will flourish like foliage.”

proverbs 11:28

we come into life with empty hands – and it is with empty hands that we leave it. actually we can possess nothing – no property and no person – along the way. it is God who owns everything, and we are but stewards of His property during the brief time we are on earth. everything that we see about us that we count as our possessions only comprises a loan from God.

– billy graham

peace with God

i must confess that i have been too ignorant to His presence these past couple of days. somehow busyness pulls me into a zone where i have to focus and forget about sadness and loss. it’s because the busyness that draws me away from God as well. i’m hoping this week will fly by quickly…that eventually i will have time to sit and be still…completely still.

what i’m thankful for:

– the busyness to keep my mind occupied

– the rain that cools things down

– the a-team movie

– a new korean friend

– time to spend with people

– the realization that there may never be tomorrow for some of us…and it’s best to make the most out of the present and nurture the friendship we have with people

– my dear friend who passed away, kru chum, who brought me back to bangkok to remember the fond memories with tae kwon do people…and actually had a little reunion at his funeral…such an ironic circumstance…but if it weren’t for him, how would i get to meet the people i didn’t know i’d so missed

– the anticipated shower and sleep

…yea…it’s definite time to go to sleep. adios, world.

p.s. i know that these past couple of days, i have had no mind to blog. and i ask you to put up with me for a little longer. i’m sure there will be a day, soon, i will get over with the sadness…for i know that there are many other people out there who suffer great deal of loss even more than i do…and i shouldn’t complain. but for the sake of a precious life, i can’t just let it pass by like nothing had happened. yet God has reminded me that there are still others who love and care for me…and they shouldn’t become victims of my sorrow. thank you for lifting me up in prayer. i’ll be better, i promise.

Reflection on Furry Vengeance

i’m a movie lover. although i haven’t watched all that i should see, let me say that i’ve watched more movies in these past 2 years than i ever did before. i greatly enjoy chick-flicks, drama/ romantic drama, action/ war and some fantacy. my all-time-favorite movie is the lord of the rings. i’ve watched it at least 10 times since its release. watching LOTR is like indulging in chocolate milk, especially in time of distress. i feel like “everything’s gonna be all right. this is just another difficult marshland to trudge, another cliff to climb and another tunnel to advance where the end is not Shelob but mount doom, like frodo and sam. nothing to be afraid of.”

anyway, last night, i went to watch the “Furry Vengeance”, a supposed-to-be hilarious comedy,with a group of friends. we planned to watch “Shrek” but it was more expensive than we thought and the seats were almost full. so we decided to go with the “furry vengeance” because we needed some laugh.

although there were some funny jokes, i found it very cheesy. animal animation was probably what i loved the most in this movie. what i disliked the most was when Neil Lyman, an asian american and the business owner, pretended to be talking in japanese or chinese, who knows, when, in fact, it was just a blabbering of tongue. i knew it must’ve been an intended joke, but, in my opinion, it could’ve been done better. mr. lyman could’ve said a line with real chinese language and made it funny too…not just some sort of weird shoutings. i felt linguistically abused.

yet the movie spoke a distinct message that we all desperately need to hear – that nowadays, materialism and wealth are consuming human’s mind and we should focus on what truly matters. a scene that was annoyingly true was when the whole community rejected dan sanders’ (brandon fraser) pleading in stopping the signing of 2 companies that would further lead to the deforestation. it portrayed the lust and greediness of men…and i found it hard to swallow.

as ecclesiastes 9:3 says,

“this is the evil in everything that happens under the sun: the same destiny overtakes all. the hearts of men, moreover, are full of evil and there is madness in their hearts while they live, and afterward they join the dead.”

doesn’t matter how hard we try, everyone faces the same fate – no one will take their possession to wherever they go after they die. it’s sad and meaningless. there’s no everlasting hope that’s solid enough to put one’s mind at ease about their earthly possession. no assurance given that our possession or fame on earth would follow us after death.

the only hope we have, the hope of glory, is in the Christ,

“the image of the invisible God,…for by Him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by Him and for Him.” (colossians 1:15-16)

believing in Christ alone will ensure us of the eternal wealth, possession and glory. nothing else.

this is my favorite quote from one of the left behind book series and i want you to read it carefully and chew it slowly…does it mean something to you? if yes, what are you going to do about it?

“he is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.” – from the left behind book series

p.s. if you need a good dose of laughter and silliness, this movie is it. dont think too much about it…