restlessness and wonder…am i making any difference? i want a life of adventures but now everything seems so placid and so opposite to my agitated mind.
i started reading francine rivers’ novel “her mother’s hope” today. a story of marta, a girl full of ambition and dream, who was constantly oppressed by her drunk father. he kept telling her that she wasn’t worthy of being anything except someone’s servant despite her outstanding academic intelligence and obvious life skills. her mother, a quiet but God-fearing woman, though didn’t stand up against her husband, encouraged marta to pursue her dreams. she said to her white-hot daughter, “you must search out the usefulness in every situation.”
marta, at age 12, had to drop out of school and was sent to work with different families in their rural swiss neighborhood. she worked early at dawn at a bakery where she learned how to bake. late morning, she came home to finish her chores and brought breakfast to her mama and younger sister. after lunch, she was at the clinic helping dr. zimmer. late afternoon, twice a week, she had to work at her closest friend’s hotel. and adding up to her tight schedule, her papa found some time for her to work in a bee farm. what was the use of all these? the money she earned went right in to her father’s pocket, who drowned it all in beer. and not a single franc left for their family.
but marta diligently learned from every job she laid her hands on. though sometimes discouragement overpowered her hope. in one of her conversations with her mother, she asked:
“what’s the use of dreaming?”
“perhaps God put the dream in your head.”
“to teach you patience.”
i confess that i’m more like marta than her mother right now. i’m clueless about what His plans are for me. i’m just tumbling after Him day after day. i have many dreams for myself and my family such as backpacking around europe, going on a road-trip in america, living in a ranch, learning how to ride a horse, building our own home for mom and sisters, marrying to a God-loving cowboy, publishing my book(s) and pursuing master degree in nursing, to name a few. but these dreams are more like bubbles to me for now. and patience is probably the last thing i want to think about.
but God prevails. that’s what i’ve learnt so far after 8 years of being in a relationship with Him. although i must admit that i may be jealous of my friends who are living their lives out there, be it england, italy, germany, france, australia or united states, i have to squeeze out all anxiety and wrap my mind around God’s heart and purpose. because i know that “God will use everything to His good purpose if you love and trust Him.” another quote from marta’s mama…just like romans 8:28 states,
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
so another resolution of mine is to learn as much as i can from what i do everyday with diligence and hope.
“love hard. live strong.” – haley marie bodine
p.s. i have only read the first 4 chapters of the book. so the “marta” i mentioned above will not be the same as the story unfolds. but how she’ll turn out, well…you will either have to read the book yourself or wait ’till i finish it. 😉