“be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life.”
this verse came to me last night when i was fighting the white-hot anger that was boiling inside my heart. there has been “stuff” going on at home (sorry that i am not in a position where i can go into details). but it involved the church and a lot of people that i love.
as my mom poured out what’s been happening at home, i felt like “tearing my robes, covering myself with ashes and weeping” all night long. i hate that gray area of life, where you can’t exactly specify whether it’s right or wrong. of course, people have different views. but it frustrates me so much when we add pride and overly high self-esteem into our views. i’m right and you’re wrong. then we judge people based on what we think is best. who is the victim?
all of us – the victim of satan and its crafty plot.
it has planted the roots of bitterness and unforgivingness in the heart of this church. from generation to generation, we have unknowingly carried on with these wounds while walking with the Lord. how much it must’ve hurt Him so to see us so oblivious of this pain!
the only solution is to dig up the roots…hard and raw. it can only be done through frankness, acknowledgement of sin, humbleness, repentance and forgiveness.
that’s the difficult part because thai people have this idea of “saving the face”, not wanting to admit that we make a mistake.
it’s not easy on me either. i’ve been a member of this church for 8 years and i’ve seen and heard a lot. i have to admit that i’ve allowed enough space for satan to grow the thistles and thorns in my heart. sometimes i wonder how this place could go so wrong…how there could be so much unresolved conflict. where is the harmony we’ve been talking about?
when the story was unfolded to me by mom, i was flaring up with anger and ready to confront someone. i wanted to blame, judge and hurt people. i thought i was right and i was pouring justice over them with my worldly mind.
then proverbs 4:23 came along and snapped me back into God’s reality – it’s satan, not people. i gotta know who the bad guys are.
so God called me again to forgive. a wise man i know used to say to me, “mink, you can’t feel like you forgive someone. you gotta make a choice. you ‘choose’ to forgive.”
forgiveness isn’t a feeling but a choice we have to make, acted on God’s standards. we choose to release our grip and let the Lord have His full control.
we have a say in this battle and we can’t let satan run all over us with its schemes.
be careful…be vigilant…
“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” colossians 3:13