rebekah, a woman whose daring faith and humble obedience brought her into a grand adventurous journey. i am captivated by her bravery.
it has been four days in a row now that i have gone back to read genesis 24 over and over again, hoping that i might gain a deeper insight to the will of the Lord for me in my romance quest. i remember that 6 years ago, when i first had a bible study with my youth group on a sunday morning, i was sitting there, heart beating fast at how the scene was being unfolded…and how it was such a perfect love story.
i love how the servant was so devoted to abraham’s cause and how he took a blunt way to ask God for direction. i love how the Lord made the usual into the unusual as a part of His plan. i love how, right in the middle of the sentence, He put rebekah in the spot where the servant would see and know that it was her. i love how rebekah was so kind and devoted to serving those in need. in genesis 24:20, the author uses the word “quickly” and “ran” to describe rebekah as she was drawing water for the servant’s camels. i love how impulsive and authentic the servant’s act of worship was when his eye was opened to God’s providence.
i also love how rebekah was ever so ready to obey and do God’s will even though it came with her own sacrifice.
“then laban and bethuel answered and said, ‘the thing has come from the Lord;…behold, rebekah is before you; take her and go, and let her be the wife of your master’s son, as the Lord has spoken.” (50-51)
that was it. rebekah did not even have a say in the matter. she did not get to choose the course of her own life. she was living a comfortable, happy life in haran, in the house of her father and surrounded by family. then came this old faithful servant who threw her world upside down and asked if she could come to negeb, in the land of canaan, to marry a man whom she had never even heard of in her life.
but, knowing that the appointment was from the Lord, she accepted the proposal with meekness and quiet spirit. at that point, she could not imagine what kind of life she would have and what kind of man she would be living with. there was no way for her to know how isaac looked and if he was a violent, passive or valiant man.
she went ahead…in full faith of God…alone.
i am still in awe at how courageous this woman was. i can never get bored reading about her story. i even considered naming my daughter (in the future) “rebecca”. 🙂
i want to be like her – kind, generous, merciful, going an extra mile, humble, obedient, joyful, loving, faithful and courageous.
and i am sure that all women long to be like that. sadly, somewhere in the history, we have lost that sense of beauty within us. we are here only to pass the time…to get by with our own lives.
i am reading the “captivating” by john and stasi eldredge for the 2nd time right now. as i opened my heart to what the authors had to say, i began to appreciate it more.
there is the part that talks about how women feel like we either are “too much” or “not enough”. if you have been reading about my romance stories (that aren’t actually romantic), you will see that i am one of those girls who wonder aloud if i will ever find my prince in a shining armour or a hero at my rescue.
my worst fear is rejection. as i dug deep into the soil of my heart, i found that i was wounded from my last broken relationship. i felt like i was used. when there was nothing more to explore, i was abandoned. alone in the cold. rejected.
the message for me has been “i can only be of use when there is still something to offer. so do not let my heart sold out to people. love sparingly so i won’t get hurt. i am not that beautiful that people should care about me. if they know what i did, they will surely turn their back on me. so i’m not going to be all open and vulnerable. it’s better to play it safe.”
a lie that i had believed for so long.
Christ has had to deal with the bruises and scars from my past. He has slowly brought out unpleasant things for me to deal with. and it has been heart-tearing, soul-breaking experiences.
even now, i am still in the process of being restored to the true woman whom He meant me to be at first. beautiful. full of dignity. like a jewel on His crown.
when it comes to romance, i am usually at the end of myself. i do not know what to do with my feelings and how i should approach the situation. i feel like a failure in the way of love. i am just never sure if what i decide to do is ever a right thing.
but is there such right thing in the heart matter?
thus, being at the end of myself is good because there is no other choice left for me but to rely on Him. last thursday, i felt an urge to skip my lunch and to spend time praying and seeking His will in this matter. and here is my prayer i scribbled down in my karen notebook:
“God, you do not desire for me to seek for the answer about him. but instead, You want me to seek Your heart and draw near to You. that is a scary thing…for i so want to have this in control. but through hebrews 10:22, ‘let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith,…’, i am coming to You. i have no idea what’s going to happen…whether he will like me or not…but You have called me to You. and here i am, Lord. use me to be a vessel You are pleased with. that this cup would bring encouragement, love and hope to those around me. i don’t have much to give. but what i have – devotion, perseverance, Your gifts, love and encouraging words – i bring so You may be glorified in me.”
although i may not have the exact answer to my questions right now, i am hoping in and waiting on the Lord…just like rebekah was…on the road to negeb…a place of the unknown…where she eventually discovered her true heart.