not being able to speak up for yourself is oppressive. at compassion, we have a group of people who are called “advocates”. they are here to be a voice to the voiceless…to let the children all over the world be heard.
although my experience may be different from the children’s, but i must say that i understand their struggle better.
when you try to be friend with someone and all he gives you has been cold shoulder and silence, it can get very frustrating. “how are you today?” or even a short “good evening” and a little acknowledgement that i am there would be nice.
but it is like i am crashing a hard thick wall.
he left me no opportunity to speak, to look him in the eyes and to get to know him. i have no clue what is going on. and i am trying very hard not to blame myself…because i know that it is not my fault.
i was laying in bed last night, pillow wet, whispering my plea to our Father that He would soften his heart.
this morning, God opened my eyes to see that He is in this together with me. although this situation is suffocating, i am beginning to see how i have handled rejection very well. i would not be able to do this in the past. and i am sure that this is the Lord’s doing.
as i was pondering on what is happening, i was reminded of the israelites and the wall of jericho. and how God commanded them to be silently marching around the fort for 6 days…then giving a loud shout to claim victory on the 7th.
that was a message to me. trying to break into this man’s heart is like breaking down the jericho wall. the Lord has impressed upon my heart that quiet spirit, silence and prayer are the only way that works.
i may not know much about a lot of things. but this is a battle field, to restore my own dignity and rights. all i am asking of him is a chance to be friend. but when he refuses to acknowledge me as one, then i am going to stand strong with patience and perseverance until the Lord opens his heart.
“show me Your ways, o Lord,
teach me Your paths;
guide me in Your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.”