last night broke all the records i’d ever had working anywhere. me and yui (the tour team), jang (the civ administrator) and tom (the it specialist) stayed at compassion office to finish the last touch of the US sponsor tour preparation until almost 12 o’clock at night. i was so thankful that i didn’t have to drive on the way home (not that i can drive now) because even while i was sitting, i felt like my soul was being sucked out of me…and all i could do was to shut my eyes and never open it again.
i have one more crucial task to do. and i look forward to finishing it. whew. thank God that He is my strength. sometimes when i am caught up with the busyness, i tend to forget why i am doing it. but when my focus is set right, i feel like there is nothing in this world i cannot do. by Jesus, all things are made possible.
the Lord is good to me. amidst the cumbersome load at work and some mental issues i am dealing with, He has encouraged and renewed my strength each day, enough to continue on under His grace. the next 10 days will be long and exhausting with the tour activities, but my hope is that i will be drawn nearer to Him through either sorrow or joy.
earlier this week, i felt doubtful about my calling to be serving and ministering to the karen people. i was very downcasted and ready to give up. i had to ask God to at least confirm with me that this was His will for i couldn’t go on on my own. and it happened…just like any other time…when God wouldn’t speak audibly to me but give me the peace in my heart to let me know that i am doing the right thing.
i feel like i am in a battle field. satan used my weak moment to fill my thought with uncertainty and doubts. if i didn’t have a supportive group of friends at compassion, i wouldn’t be able to pull through. praise be to God.
so this evening, after debating a bit whether or not i should go to the music practice, i decided to go. it was still the same. university students filled the room. jor dahbu was leading the practice with his guitar. and we sang this beautiful lyrics. the begging for God to bless and redeem the karens who are oppressed and now spreaded all over the face of the earth. i will need to translate into english sometimes. but when i sang that…when i knew what it means…i cried. somehow, i relate well with this group of people…i feel like one of them. there is this deep yearning that i cannot express into words. when i think of the karens i used to meet along the border, i want to be there.
so this is how God confirmed it to me. it is His will for me to make the home in the hearts of karen men and women. i don’t know how and when it is going to happen. but i am now willing to go forward. and with God by my side, there is nothing else i shall fear.