i am craving for soft munchy chocolate chips cookies or even brownies. i think it’s time to bake some! 🙂
this evening i came home feeling a bit…perplexed. i think i might have gone on so long not bringing up the issues of my life to God. when i sat down, i just felt the urge to read the Bible and pray. someone told me that praying is like breathing. i must’ve been holding my breath for a long time…that’s why i was suffocating.
there were many things i wanted to talk to God about. next year will be full of changes…and i’m not sure i’m ready to deal with that. did i ever tell you that i am accepted into the new position i applied for? in january, i will take my new role as a field communication specialist and no longer serve in the tour team. at the thought of it makes my stomach queasy a bit. please don’t get me wrong. i am excited to start a new journey…take on a new adventure. but i guess it’s the unknown that makes things look so daunting and scary. i am afraid that i may not be good enough for this. that i will fail. that is why i need to pray so hard.
there are also lots of plans i am making in my head like moving into a house, buying a car, finding roommates…all the while being more involved at church too. i am also in constant frustration that i cannot master the karen language at the point i wish to see happen. i have also asked God for a new romance…a boyfriend…and that hasn’t happened yet. and i thought, “what am i supposed to do to make things happen?!” so i started outlining my plans. i should do this and i should avoid that. on and on, the list went…and i didn’t even bother stopping to ask God what did He think.
the “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” of my life blinded my eyes to the true desire of my Master. i learned a lesson from Him last week and realized i have put myself at the center of everything and creating plans around what i want to do. but the Lord showed me that when i can drop my shoulds and shouldn’ts, then it will be the real show happening according to His will.
and i don’t wanna miss His will in my life. putting my plans down gives me rest and peace.
not only do i need to pray to God, i also urge you to pray for me. i can’t explain it or tell you specifically what i’d like you to pray for. but do pray for me, will you? it is time of transition and revelation. He’s going to do something in my life…
oh, added to the random statement above – i am also craving for pancake with bacon, butter and maple syrup! mmm…