i am supposed to go to youth group meeting this afternoon. instead, i sat down and reached for my notebook computer. my 1st excuse of not wanting to go is because it is too far. 2nd is it’s saturday and i need rest. 3rd is i’m too lazy to take the bus rides. all were summarized to one decided answer – i am staying home. what a lazy bum!
i recalled typing this sentence in my past posts but i will do it again – i really miss home especially on weekends! it’s not that my activities will be much different from what i do here. saturday at home means sleeping in, eating, chatting with mom and sisters, maybe going out to Big C supermarket for a walk, or if i’m up to it, i will even take long bus ride to downtown bangkok. but the fun side of being home is after i wake up, i get to bug my sisters about being sleepy-heads and dragging them out of bed. i get to eat mom’s breakfast and go out with her for lunch. when i walk to Big C, my sisters will accompany me. and when i take a trip downtown, there are many people to watch along the rides and at the end destination, my friend will be waiting there.
chiangmai, as much of a home as it is to me now, still doesn’t bring the comfort i need when i need it. i LOVE chiangmai and i’m not planning to leave soon. but my problem is i’m lonely, even among people…even in the sea of faces. i do have life and i have got friends here….but i’m a bangkoker at heart (okay, annie, my friend who is actually from bangkok, is going to pick at me again because she says that i’m from nonthaburi, a metropolitan area. not bangkok. but i’ll save the story for another time. ^^) and, y’know, no place is like home.
meet annie. she’s a tour and visit specialist at compassion now. 🙂
yet i need to be open-minded. being in chiang-mai, i take joy in my own comfortable space with cable TV, internet, books and a clean fridge; the view of mountains even when i’m right in the heart of the city; some few good companions from work and church whom i have shared meaningful memories with; easy trips to the woods and decent job. God has blessed me abundantly.
there is no solid point i’m trying to make this afternoon. i just have to write and to get my thoughts and feelings out. but i do hope that someone hears me. i need some meaning in my life, someone to live for and some clear directions for day-to-day life. and, yes, i remember writing about “passion” 2 days ago. i’m not losing my grasp of God. i just need some tangible moments right now.