humbleness is shown not only in our action but also our attitude. we could serve a mug of hot water to a coughing person; stand alongside and offer comfort to those who weep or quietly listen to the teaching, suggestion or correction from our friends. but if, deep down in our hearts, we don’t repent, then the act of humbleness is nothing but the disguised pride.
God’s love covers multitudes of sins. yesterday night, while i was looking through my friend’s photo albums, i came across this picture.
i sat pondering on the love and protection bestowed upon the little girl and how content she was in the Father’s arm…and tears took me by surprise. the song “all my desire” by ray watson was playing and i could hear God speak to me, “all my desire, all i require, all that i need is in You”.
it was a simple song with only 3 sentences. but it is the message essential to my ears and touching to my heart. why makes christian life so complicated? sometimes all one can do is to sit in her quiet corner with repentant and broken heart…and simply worship. let the Spirit soak Himself into her barren life. let Him heal her wounded heart with salve. and let herself be loved. because we fail so much. we crash into immovable rocks and stumble hard on the ground. and our first instinct is to blame others, is to be silent and play a martyr…not out of humility but of pride…just to get the attention. and then we run through a blaze of fire. we are burnt with our sinfulness. we can’t escape it. and at the end of the day, we crumple onto the floor, face streaked with tears…unstoppable and lose all our pride we held so tightly during the day.
and we realized that all we ever need is in Jesus.
there is nothing worst and most frightening than to be caged in fear. God is challenging me to accept myself the way i am and also take His love as it is. i am afraid of discovering who i am turning out to be. but i have to believe that the Lord is creative and His hand will never fail me.
“Lord, this change freaks me out. i don’t know what to do with myself. i seem to fail at everything. i am haunted by guilt and fear. it has been difficult, Father. but now i come to You…asking You to heal me, cure me and make me whole again. i give this self to You. please do unto it as You will. i thank You for You. when all else fall apart, i can count on You to be a good listener, a loving Father and a righteous Judge.”