i have this desire to write something…to capture my feelings…and let them live through my words. but i cannot find any vocabularies suitable…or…worthy enough to describe myself at the moment. i am in a state of…mixed colors. i am in awe, confused, peaceful, excited, sad and curious. every time, change brings shock. but all you can do when change comes knocking on your door is to brace yourself and welcome it as best as you can…although you despise it.
the rain still patters hard against my porch outside. but in a little while…or a few hours…it will stop. and the cool breeze will tuck me tight and warm in my soft blanket. the dark night will wrap around me and sing lullaby until i close my eyes and drift away in endless dream.
with my soul being still, God will come and heal me. i am bruised. my nation is wounded. this world is injured. we have weathered through droughts and storms. we cry ’till our bones ache…’till scarlet turned dry…’till wounds turned scars.
but change will come…for the better…like the rain. it may cause flood but we witnessed brotherhood, friendship and christian love. when storm sweeps everything away…when its power made the earth churn…it cleanses the soil of filthiness.
yet while we hold our fort, when clouds hover above us and hope is dim, look to the Lord and remember His unmatchable power and unfathomable grace. and come to Him…with the humility of heart…for when God gets a hold of us, He never lets us go.
“Jesus, we are broken people. no one is perfect. no, not one. we drown our sorrow in bottles. we hide fear in our cage of self. and we continue to do so with our stubbornness. forgive Your people, Lord. the truth is…if You chose to do so, we would be dead. You don’t need us. but You want us more than anything. and You love us. and i want to live a life worthy of Your love.”