the rabbit leans back against the moon with all its grace and peace. and i sat on my small balcony staring at it with jealousy…trapped in fear and disappointment in this world of imperfection.
i take comfort in the ordinary of life: the swaying branches of tamarind trees outside my balcony, birds with its chirping and their swoopy flights in search for food, the bicycle ride in the evening, the laundry hanging in my room and grey’s anatomy at 7:oo pm. although many things go wrong more than right, there are things that still make sense.
my life is like a room after party, littered with cups, bottles, plastic bags and garbage. my heart is a mess. and i wonder when that good day’s gonna be mine. i just exist. i don’t live. again, i question myself how on earth i ever got here. one thing i learned from this is – when you try to control life, it bounces away from you. the tighter you grip, the quicker it gets loose.
i am tired of living. i am tired of having to run this race. i am burnt out, exhausted and empty. but God’s mercy is like a sweet drop of honey. romans 8:1 says,
“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.”
and r0mans 8:39-40,
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
i know i don’t deserve any good things. i have sinned against the Lord and i should be condemned. but this is the promise i need to hold on to because it is a glimpse of life. surely, the miracle will happen. when it comes, i will make a dash for it and live with hope again.