finally, it is here. this ability to let go. the fight has been long and hard, but not meaning less. the strings of wordy prayers, the endless hours of anxiety, the furious scribbles in my journal pages and the tears-stained pillows were not all for nothing. tonight, i stood on my little balcony as a freed woman. i am experiencing again the joy of being in God’s hand. tonight, i say with a weightless heart, “Lord, i do not know what my next couple of months will be. and my relationship is still a mess. but i give them into Your hand. i trust in Your plan”.
i am thankful for His word through the pastor at church’s bible study this week. he encouraged us to pick a seat – between the seat of jealousy and grumbling or the seat where God’s power can be manifested through our lives. and all we had to do was to stop being envious or complaining, get up and move towards the place we want to be.
i had wanted to be done with this sorrowful and uncertain life. so i decided to say, “i need to change. i am tired of being tired, bored, despair, bitter and discouraged. i need to make the shift i want to see, by starting with embracing God’s calling”, which is to live a life that pleases Him…a life that reaches its fullest in all areas for His glory. and i knew that sulking and moping around in my room was not a way to reach that destination.
i am reminded of the ecclesiastes wisdom once again – of how there is time for everything. my time of sorrow and uncertainty is over. and i am ready to move on. i chose to give back things i cannot control to Jesus, and look forward to this present moment, and count the moment as a present itself.
this is my breakthrough. and i want to testify God’s goodness in my life so it may bring encouragement and assurance to you – that all things work together for good for those who love Him. it may be hard to your ears right now (i refused to listen to such statement when i was in the pity party) but God’s truth never wavers. i also want to thank you for praying for me. keep praying. God knows how much i still need your prayers. i am still unemployed and single. but i am happy.
so i guess i will end with a quote from c.s. lewis…just to lift the bar of intellectual quality of this post. something that goes well with my life’s theme now.
“It is true that some people may find they have to wait in the hall for a considerable time, while others feel certain almost at once which door they must knock at. I do not know why there is this difference, but I am sure God keeps no one waiting unless He sees that it is good for him to wait. When you do get into your room you will find that the long wait has done you some kind of good which you would not have had otherwise.”