*Disclaimer – this post is purely self-indulgent. It is a rant. You can ignore this altogether; or just be entertained by the jokes in my life.
This week has been absolutely terrible. If there is any time I feel lonely, it is now.
Same old news. There’s no progress on the visa. This is the last month they told me to expect my case to be processed. I still haven’t heard anything. It has been 2 months since I was last with Joel. Yesterday, I was in a minor car accident that somehow left me shaking. The package I sent to Joel was rejected and returned, all the way from Australia. And i. just. want. my husband. But he isn’t here.
Often I wonder if this is all but a joke. Why did we get married only to end up living separately? What is the purpose of all this? Did we get punished because we rushed into marriage? People told me that I will one day see. And I believe them. I just can’t see anything clearly right now.
I am in a world of pain, bitterness, anger and resentment. Holding on in the midst of the storm has taken a toll on me. And I’m exhausted. I’m tired of waking up every morning thinking this will be the day. Im tired of having to go to sleep without Joel on the other side of the bed. I have been postponing appointments or saying no to permanent commitment here because I thought it could be any day now. Well, jokes on me. I’m still here and not with Joel.
I know you guys are praying for me. For us. Please continue. I am just discouraged, lonely, and at the verge of giving up. I am stuck in this waiting pit. And I’m weary of trying to work out this long distance relationship. I know we aren’t meant to be apart. It’s just hard to be positive right now.